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Health & Fitness

Consistency in Parenting

Parents often get frustrated when they impose consequences on their child or teen and he or she gets mad and feels that the consequence is not fair. While it is technically within a parent’s right to impose whatever consequence they feel is appropriate, it is hard for children and teens to often understand where their parents are coming from when they are imposing consequences. Simply being consistent in what consequences are enforced and setting time limits on the duration of these consequences can greatly improve a child or teen’s adherence to the consequence.

Here are a few examples to illustrate this point:

John is a 10 year old boy who was not completing his homework and throwing a fit every time his parents confronted him about it. At times he would also lie about having completed it.

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Option 1: When it became clear that John was not completing his homework one night and had lied about it, his parents could take away his video games and not tell him when he would be getting them back.

Option 2: In the same situation, his parents could warn him that if he did not complete his homework, he would not be allowed to play video games for the rest of the night. If he continues to not complete his homework, then his parents could take away video games for the rest of the evening.

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Option 1 surprises John with a consequence and he has no idea when he will be allowed to play video games again. Option 2 warns John that if he continues to delay doing his homework, his video games will be taken away for a specific period of time. Option 2 prepares John for the consequence, reduces anxiety over not knowing when he will be allowed to play again, and likely reduces his opposition to the consequence.

In general, when deciding on and enforcing consequences, warning your child or teen of the consequence that will occur and putting a time limit on the duration of the consequence can greatly improve behavior as well as limit opposition to the consequence. Obviously, when designing a complete behavior plan, there are several other components that need to be addressed/included, but consistency and a specified time limit are among the most important parts of managing negative behavior through enforcement of consequences.

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Dr. Carey Heller is a licensed psychologist with The Heller Psychology Group LLC in Bethesda, Maryland. He specializes in work with children, adolescents, and families, and is happy to answer questions and provide consultations for individuals who are considering pursuing treatment, an evaluation, or other services for their child, adolescent, or themselves. Dr. Heller can be reached at (301)-385-2610 or careyheller@thehellerpsychologygroup.com.


*Disclaimer: The previous information is intended as general guidance based on my professional opinion, does not constitute an established professional relationship,  and should not replace the recommendations of a psychologist or other licensed professional with whom you initiate or maintain a professional relationship*

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