Failure to Launch Part I

There are many movies out there that depict adult children still living at home or ones that move back home for a variety of reasons (i.e., finish college/grad school and figuring out what to do next, lose a job, break up with significant other). While this phenomenon is portrayed in the movies, it is quite real, and often of concern to parents of adult children. Given the high cost of living in many areas, many young adults either live at home past age 18 or move home initially after college in order to save money, pay off loans, and in some cases avoid adult responsibilities. Others may live on their own for several years and then move back home for periods of time. Parents often worry about the healthiness of their adult children living/moving back home as well as how to handle situations that arise with adult children. Obviously, cultural factors sometimes do also influence when children move out.

Given the large amount of factors to consider, this post will focus on adult children who move back home after being on their own.  A subsequent post will address situations where adult children have never moved out.

Here are a few suggestions for navigating failure to launch issues:

1)      Examine why your adult child has moved back home. Can they not afford to live on their own? Are they between jobs or academic programs? Are they trying to avoid adult responsibilities?

If your adult child needs to move back home out of necessity, it is important to be supportive of them. However, sometimes adult children regress when living at home and may be less likely to take action to address the reason why they moved back home (i.e, find another job). Therefore, it is important to discuss expectations as to the expected time frame for moving back out and make sure that your child is actively addressing the situation that brought them back home. Additionally, it is recommended that adult children take responsibility for items while living at home such as doing their own laundry, assisting with the cooking, and other household chores.

2)      When conflicts arise

It is likely that conflicts are going to arise between you and your adult child around items such as them coming home late or staying out all night, not knowing where they are, not picking up after themselves, or other issues. It is important to sit down with them and discuss conflicts as they arise and develop solutions. For example, if your adult child wants to stay out all night, maybe they could email you so that when you wake up in the morning and they are not home, you won’t worry.

3)      Enjoy the time with them

Whether you are overjoyed to have your adult child back at home or are upset that they have to come back, this will likely be the last time where you get to spend significant quality time with them while living together. Thus, it is important to take advantage of the time and perhaps eat dinner together a few nights a week and do other activities together as a family.

These are just a few suggestions to assist with having your adult child back at home. If you have significant concerns about them, or need extra assistance yourself, consider seeking professional help in the form of a therapist to assist you and/or your adult child.

 In addition to regular blog updates, you can follow me through The Heller Psychology Group’s Social Media pages for daily postings of useful articles:

Twitter (https://twitter.com/HellerPsych)

Facebook (facebook.com/HellerPsychology)

Dr. Carey Heller is a licensed psychologist with The Heller Psychology Group LLC in Bethesda, Maryland. He specializes in work with children, adolescents, and families, and is happy to answer questions and provide consultations for individuals who are considering pursuing treatment, an evaluation, or other services for their child, adolescent, or themselves. Dr. Heller can be reached at (301)-385-2610 or careyheller@thehellerpsychologygroup.com.

*Disclaimer: The previous information is intended as general guidance based on my professional opinion, does not constitute an established professional relationship,  and should not replace the recommendations of a psychologist or other licensed professional with whom you initiate or maintain a professional relationship*