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Health & Fitness

Stopping Your Child's Temper Tantrums in Stores


Many parents get frustrated when having to take their children to the store, whether it is the supermarket, toy store, shopping mall, or another type of store, because their children throw temper tantrums when they want something and do not get it.

When trying to manage problematic behavior in almost any situation, it is important to determine a few things:

a) In what situations does the behavior occur?

b) What is occurring at the moment in a situation when your child starts to get upset?

c) What strategies work in other situations to help them calm down?

After thinking about answers to these items, look carefully at the situation with taking your child to the store. Do they go to the store with the intention of getting something? Do they simply find something they like while there, then get upset when they cannot get it?

Planning ahead by preparing yourself and your child for the situation of going to the store can go a long way in reducing your child's temper tantrums at the store. Specifically, if your child always wants something when they go to the store, decide ahead of time what you would be willing to get them, if anything. For example, if you are going to the supermarket, perhaps they could be allowed to get a cookie, or a toy under five dollars. If you are going to the mall with them, maybe they are allowed to get one toy under ten dollars. Decide what you are willing to get your child prior to going to the store. Inform your child before leaving the house and remind them when you get to the store that they are allowed to get whatever you decided ahead of time, but nothing else.  Similarly, if your child often sees something that they want when they go to the store, let your child know ahead of time what they will be allowed to purchase.  Preparing your child ahead of time can greatly reduce the likelihood of meltdowns at the store when they want something. It may take several tries or more of preparing your child in order for them to successfully manage their behavior when confronted with something that they want and cannot have.

In addition to preparing them with regard to what they are allowed to buy, it is important to talk with them about consequences for throwing a temper tantrum in a store if they cannot get something that they want. Sometimes using a point system where a child earns points for behaving well during an outing to a store and can trade in points for a toy can be helpful. Taking away points or not providing points for problematic behavior can also be included.  Developing specific consequences can also be useful, provided that the child is informed of them prior to going to the store. In many cases, talking with children when calm and having them provide suggestions for consequences can be helpful in engaging them in the process. For example, consequences for a temper tantrum may be: not being allowed to get the item previously allowed to have, reduced television time that evening, or no ice cream for dessert. It is important that the consequence severity fits the significance of the negative behavior. Having a child choose their consequence from three options can also be useful in some instances. More in-depth information about points systems, behavior plans, developing consequences, etc. will be provided in a future blog post.

I hope this information has been helpful.  Maintaining consistency with consequences and responses to situations is very important in helping your child to reduce their temper tantrums in situations. If the suggestion discussed above of planning ahead and informing your child ahead of time as to what they are allowed to get at the store in of itself is not effective in curbing temper tantrums, creating and writing down a behavior plan that includes how to handle situations at stores will help ensure consistency and is likely to lead to improvement of temper tantrums. In situations where children frequently display significant temper tantrums or other behavioral difficulties that are not age appropriate, consultation with a psychologist or other mental health professional may be very useful. This professional can assist with determining the cause of the issue, help the child to better manage their behavior, and work with the parents to assist with implementing strategies to improve behavior and overall happiness. 

Dr. Carey Heller is a licensed psychologist with The Heller Psychology Group LLC in Bethesda, Maryland. He specializes in work with children, adolescents, and young adults, and is happy to answer questions and provide consultations for individuals who are considering pursuing treatment or an evaluation for their child, adolescent, or themselves. Dr. Heller can be reached at (301)-385-2610 or careyheller@thehellerpsychologygroup.com.
For appointments, please call the office at (301) 385-2610 or email The Heller Psychology Group at appt@thehellerpsychologygroup.com with your contact information and availability for appointment times.

*Disclaimer: The previous information is intended as general guidance based on my professional opinion, does not constitute an established professional relationship,  and should not replace the recommendations of a psychologist or other licensed professional with whom you initiate or maintain a professional relationship*

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