When You Feel Like Throwing in the Towel

Parenting is often tough, especially when you have a child who displays significant behavioral/emotional difficulties and are frequently non-compliant with requests. Add multiple children into the mix and being a single parent or spending considerable time with your children alone without your spouse, and the difficulty of parenting can increase significantly. 

Many times, parents get so frustrated with their children's behavior and the frequent need to entertain them, meet their every need, and care for them, that it can take a toll on their own well being.

Here are a few practical strategies to help improve your quality of life when you find yourself feeling like you want to throw in the towel with parenting:

1) Set aside a period of time each week where you do something fun or enjoyable for yourself: This may mean getting a massage, going for a long run, playing a round of golf, or meeting a friend for coffee. If you don't have a spouse who is able to watch your children during this time, hire a babysitter, try to arrange play dates for your children, or find an activity for them that provides you with time for a break.

2) If you are married or in a relationship, set aside time each week to spend with your significant other without the children present. Perhaps you can go on an early morning walk on a weekend day, go out on Saturday nights for date night, watch a movie together after the children go to sleep, or engage in another activity of interest. 

3) Take care of yourself physically. Figure out a time several days a week to workout at the gym, go running, or even for a walk. It may mean getting up early or taking a long lunch break, but taking care of yourself is very important in order to be able to take care of others. 

4) Take care of yourself emotionally. If you feel that you are really struggling with parenting and managing stress, seek professional assistance with a therapist. A therapist can assist you by providing parent training and strategies to help you better manage your stress. If you are not taking care of yourself emotionally, it is very hard to take care of your children effectively. Think about when you fly and the flight attendant goes over the safety instructions and informs you that if oxygen masks ever drop you need to put yours on first before helping anyone else. The same principle applies here in taking care of yourself first in order to be able to care effectively for your children. 

5)Seek professional services for your child/children. If your child is frequently misbehaving, having emotional outbursts, struggling in school, or having other difficulties, consider bringing them to a psychologist or other mental health professional to get assistance. In most cases, therapy can greatly reduce your child's behavioral/emotional difficulties. In addition, many therapists will also work with you to provide you with strategies to more effectively parent based on your child's individual needs. Having a psychologist or other professional create a behavior plan for you to use with your child can also be very beneficial in curbing negative behaviors. 

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Obviously if you ever feel completely out of control and have any concerns about your safety or the safety of your children, please seek emergency assistance so that everyone can remain safe. Three final things to keep in mind: take action to take care of yourself, seek services for your child or adolescent if needed, and obtain services for yourself as well if warranted. It may seem daunting to seek services for your child or yourself, but if you are struggling, services are available and can greatly help you and your child/adolescent. 


Dr. Carey Heller is a licensed psychologist with The Heller Psychology Group LLC in Bethesda, Maryland. He specializes in work with children, adolescents, and young adults, and is happy to answer questions and provide consultations for individuals who are considering pursuing treatment or an evaluation for their child, adolescent, or themselves. Dr. Heller can be reached at (301)-385-2610 or careyheller@thehellerpsychologygroup.com.

For appointments, please call the office at (301) 385-2610 or email The Heller Psychology Group at appt@thehellerpsychologygroup.com with your contact information and availability for appointment times.

*Disclaimer: The previous information is intended as general guidance based on my professional opinion, does not constitute an established professional relationship,  and should not replace the recommendations of a psychologist or other licensed professional with whom you initiate or maintain a professional relationship*